Life, if you were an 80’s cartoon
A couple a days ago I found this guys youtube channel with 17 videos with a lot of 80’s cartoons intros and spent a couple of hours reminiscing. I remembered a lot of them since I was a child back in the 80’s and therefore was kind of addicted to a few of them. What was surprising was the amount of cartoons that I had completely forgot until I saw the intros.
Seeing these little gems I realized that, unlike today, cartoons back then were really violent and nobody seemed to care. What’s that you’re watching? A show about mutant aliens with bionic powers and a gazillion missiles and lasers all blowing and killing each other up? Sure, have fun.
Ok, so there were also a lot of cuddly shows, most of them about cute furry animals, mostly bears, koalas, pandas, puppies and mice. There were also like dozens of cartoons about dinosaurs.
But seriously, who watched those? Except for Denver the last dinosaur of course, because he’s our friend and a whole lot more.
So after seeing this I came up with these facts about what life would be if you were an 80s cartoon. Here goes:
If you’re a good guy, then you will always win. That’s pretty much a guarantee. Even against all odds, chances are the bad guys will just make a fool of themselves trying to kill you or your friends. The most common adjectives to describe you are: magnificent, amazing, impressive, and the ever popular fabulous.
If you’re a bad guy, your life plan is to take over the place where you live, take over the world, take over the underworld, take over the galaxy, etc. The adjectives used to describe you are: ruthless, terrible, merciless, dark, crook, etc. Your name must surely end with “dor” or “dar”. That’s the formula for bad guys names, go ahead and try it. Is your name John? No, you are Johndor, ruthless empreror of the underworld. Paul? No, Pauldor, evil ruler of the galaxy. Or maybe you’re a girl, let’s say Ann, or should I say Anndar, merciless queen of the witch realm.
Weather you’re good or bad, there is a very high chance that you have some sort of bionic thing going on, like a bionic arm, a bionic eye, bionic suit, whatever.
You are armed to the teeth, there is no such thing as too many missiles or too many lasers in this world, the only sure thing is that your lasers are blue or green if you’re a good guy and red or orange if your the bad guy.
If you have any kind of sword, you’re invincible. Samurai sword, light sword, normal crappy sword, as long as it’s a sword, you’re the baddest mofo to have ever existed.
If you’re in space, you’re probably still using horses or boats as means of transportation.
You also have very high chances of being a robot, or at least an arm or a leg of one, in which case you depend on your friends to make you a full blown robot.
If you’re a good guy you always have your so called friends, and your friends all have cool powers and bionic or mystical abilities. If you’re a bad guy, your friends are probably a bunch of ugly good for nothing mutants or demons that always end up ruining your plans to rule the world.
And last but not least, whether you’re good or bad, you will always have a narrator telling everyone who you are, where you come from, who are your friends and enemies and your life objectives.
Anyway, seeing all those videos was really nostalgic, it’s amazing the things you think you have forgotten.
The main thing you remember are the theme songs, and there were lots of great and catchy tunes, check out some of my favorites:
There are lots of other great shows and tunes, so if you’re feeling nostalgic I recommend you check out this guys compilations or better yet, visit RetroJunk where there is a huge list of old cartoons and shows.
